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The original document from which this text was PAINSTAKINGLY TRANSLATED (lisp and all) was recovered from the darkest depths of Omaha’s deepest dungeons.  Rumor has it that no less a sinister soul then Ratkin task master Russ etched its infernal hieroglyphics into great stone slabs.  Iowa’s fiercest generals penetrated deep into the untamed wilderness of Nebraska with only goblin wingit Luftwaffe scouting reports to guide them.   Task Master Russ’ evil exploits were legendary, but even the many tales recounting his dark deeds could not prepare the honorable Iowians for the villainy which their innocent eyes were made to endure.  For the Nebraska natives were caught in the nefarious act of honoring the backstabbing assignation of man’s greatest general during their High Spring feast day known as the March Hare (for those of you who did not pay attention in history class this was when the senate assassinated Julius Caesar)!  Much was sacrificed in the cursed stone’s procurement, and even more was lost during the weighty task of rendering its foul text comprehensible to men of sound mind.  Still, the burden is lifted and the labor finished.  Although the accuracy of the foul ruins from which the following was rendered is subject to suspicion, the text describes the crafting of the most awkward object ever made which now disrupts the otherwise serene tranquility of my kingdom’s hallowed library (a.k.a. the Cornhole trophy is sitting next to me in my office and stuck here for the duration of these darn virus lockdowns… DAMN YOU RUSS)!

“Well”, said Spruce, “Where do I begin.  It started a long time ago in a long forgotten land of the Outlanders.   Let’s see, let me wemember.  The birth of the Corn Hole Twophy between the Iowa-wegions and the Outlanders. Hmmmmmm, well here it is.”

The Unholy Alliance of the Iowa-wegions thwew the gauntlet down to the Outlanders in a challenge on the wighteous land of the Outlanders, the fabled Game Shoppe turf. 

With this the Watkin master Scar-tooth went down into the catacombs of the Watkin world and wummaged awound.

“Where did this confounded piece of scwub go too?   Those weedy goblins probably scarfed it up,” said Scar-tooth.   But then it appeared in the deep wubble of ‘things gone badly’.  Scar-tooth smiled, “Ah there it is!   The twophy of the unknown!”  

The Twophy of the Unknown was called that for it was just a short wound column on a marble base with a ciwcle of gold cwowning the top.   Since it held nothing it was deemed “the Twophy of the Unknown”.

Scar-tooth grabbed the Twophy and scuwwied out of his lair.   He was going to be late again for the council meeting.    The Outlanders were holding a council to discuss the vicious challenge.  All sowted cweatures were pwesent, salamanders, elves, goblins and watkin.  

When Scar-tooth awwived he shouted, “Hear Ye Scallywags!”  Scar-tooth pwesented the twophy to the group while gnawing on an ear of field corn. 

“Behold Outlanders!  A twophy for the challenge event!” Scar-tooth said.  

“That looks stupid,” said the Salamander commander.

The Elven Mage laughed, “That corn cob would make a better twophy.”  And with a flick of his wand he took the corn cob out of the hand of Scar-tooth and twansformed corn cob into gold.  The corn cob of gold then dropped hawmlessly to the floor.

The Outlanders all laughed at the Mage’s magic.

The goblin war boss then picked up the golden cob of corn and stuck it into the gold ciwcle on the top of the Twophy of the Unknown.  The goblin war boss said, “The twophy is finished!”

Scar-tooth took the twophy in both hands above his head and pwoclaimed to the group, “The birth of the Corn Hole Twophy is now complete.”

They all nodded and woared in laughter and appwoval.

Spruce paused, then stated, “And that my fwiends is how the coveted twophy began. The Iowa-wegions won it on the first confwontation.   The Outlanders won it back on the second.”   

Spruce continued, “Now a third challenge has been issued in the homeland of the wegions.” Spruce laughed, “A new chapter in the stowy will now be born.”